Conquer Your Limiting Beliefs for a Successful Second Act
Do you feel stuck? Do you know the cause of that “stuckness”?
That feeling or cause is often related to limiting beliefs. We all have them. We all struggle with acknowledging and moving past them.
One of mine I know and battle frequently is from this event in my life:
From an early age, I always wanted to be a writer. During those early days, I had my father’s support and successfully wrote for the school magazine, the town newspaper, my local church, and was even hired to be my father’s editor in my teens. When it came time to enter college, I had it all planned – I would major in English and be a professional writer. Dad’s response, “There is no money in writing! Choose another major.”
To prove him wrong, I secretly submitted one of my short stories to Asimov Magazine and immediately received a rejection. It was a friendly, hand-written letter, but still a rejection.
Shattered by that event, plus my father’s words, I tearfully accepted his statement as true and secretly burned 10 years of my treasured writing. I eventually pursued a master’s degree in exercise physiology.
It’s an event that still haunts me and a limiting belief I continue to confront, even though I am now a writer.
Kate Schroeder of Transformation Counseling and I recently collaborated in her 2020 online summit, Building & Scaling Your Virtual Team. Through the summit and additional conversations with Kate, I learned about limiting beliefs and their power to hold us back. While I am not a psychologist, counselor, or mental health specialist, the following advice is expertise Kate shares regarding second acts and limiting beliefs.
How do limiting beliefs develop?
Limiting beliefs are oftentimes rooted in childhood and are learned from important experiences or people in our lives. They then act as invisible handcuffs that keep us stuck in untruths that we have long since outgrown and are no longer helpful.
Money, relationships, career – feeling stuck or stagnant in these areas, yet not understanding why, are directly related to our inner child. Even though 95% of these beliefs are unconscious, they still run our life no matter how much time has passed since childhood.
Unfortunately, that “programming” is triggered whenever we pursue something related to that event – career, money, relationships – which results in an inability to move forward with that desire. In order to release that memory or event, we must access and address that time, memory, or event. As a result, people are fearful to explore, feel, and relive some seriously intense experiences.
For people pursuing a second act in their 5th, 6th, or other decades of life, this is a time for exciting transition. It’s a time to pursue other interests that have been put off until now. However, many in this age group feel overwhelmed with everything they MUST do that they forget to fulfill their own desires. We hear it all the time: take care of yourself first. Yet a lifetime of contradictory training makes it tough to do so. Most of us grew up with these standards:
- Get a college education,
- Get a corporate job,
- Raise a family,
- Contribute to society,
- Retire.
Even though we have dreams, desires, and opportunities now, these standards turn into limiting beliefs. We have waiting a long time for “our” time and we can’t even get started. If you wish to break free of your invisible handcuffs, acknowledging your limiting beliefs is the first obstacle to conquer.
What to know to overcome limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are a case of “I don’t know what I don’t know.” As a result, it is very difficult to identify those childhood experiences that form our beliefs – and limitations – today. To help recognize if you are working in a space of limiting beliefs, ask yourself these questions:
Do you feel you have lost yourself? If you put off your development for the sake of others, you are likely to feel empty when you reach a freer time of life (typically after age 50).
Do you feel stuck or dissatisfied? You are now free to explore new interests but because of traditional roles, you have no idea how to pursue something new. You look back on your life and feel you haven’t accomplished anything.
Do you struggle with your identity? Are you unable to say with certainty who you are, what your strengths, talents, and abilities are? Do you struggle to step out to make new self-discoveries?
What does your body say? Are you at ease? Free of illness? Are you excited to begin each day?
If your answers are “yes” for the first 3 and “no” for the last question, then you are living with a level of programming developed from childhood.
Choices vs limitations: a simple exercise
When faced with a choice, do you struggle to come up with an answer? This could be as simple as ‘what do you want for dinner?’ to as complex as ‘what will you do in your second act?’
- If you struggle to provide an answer –
- If you feel like you don’t have a choice –
- If you fear hurting someone’s feelings –
- If you delay in making a decision –
- If you make excuses rather than a decision –
Then these are signals that a limiting belief is ruling your second act. On the other hand, if you could easily provide an answer, then you are operating in the here and now and are free!
How do you want your second act to play out? To make it what you’ve dreamed about for decades, you must explore the deep, uncomfortable, hidden past. If you fail to outgrow these beliefs, your second act will remain unfulfilled.
Use this fabulous time of life to live your best life ever!
p.s. it’s taken years of personal growth and previous work with a counselor to accomplish what I have in my second act. There are plenty of self-discoveries and adventures to have and I highly recommend stepping on the path to self-fulfillment.
Kristen
photo credit: Pexels from Pixabay